I’ve always liked to shop. Not for groceries, mind you. I’m talking about clothes. Shoes. Purses. Those kinds of things. When my girls were young, I used to daydream about the four of us shopping together once they all became teenagers. It was gonna be great. I imagined the four of us, talking and laughing as we strolled through the mall. We’d check out the latest styles. Shop for shoes. Bond over pretzels.

Boy, was I delusional. Allow me to introduce my three daughters.  

First, there’s Emily. Emily likes to browse and inspect every rack when she shops. She tries everything on, then carefully weighs the pros and cons of each item.

My next daughter, Taylor, also likes to shop. But Taylor is very goal-oriented. She knows what she needs. She finds it. We buy it. There’s no need to aimlessly wander or waste her sweet time. When she tries on clothes, it’s quick and painless. “It fits. Let’s go.”

As you may guess, shopping with both of them creates quite the challenge.  

Then there’s my third girl, Madison, who hates shopping altogether. Typically, if her sisters and I are headed to the mall, she and her dad will go see a movie.

But I had a dream! Shopping … laughing … shoes … pretzels …

For years, I tried to make my dream a reality. If only Emily would hurry up. Or if Taylor could be patient. Or if Madison would just visit one store in the mall besides Chick-fil-a and Cinnabon.  

Eventually, I faced the facts. If I’m going to enjoy shopping with them, I need to do it individually.  

Now I know. Before shopping with Emily, I need to rest up because it’s going to be a marathon. When going with Taylor, it’s best to stick to the plan. And Madison? Let’s just say, I’ve discovered other ways to bond with her – and thank goodness for hand-me-downs.  

Just as I’ve learned to have a flexible shopping approach with each of my girls, I’ve also learned to adjust my parenting style.

Every kid is different. Different personalities, temperaments, interests, strengths and weaknesses. It would be easier if the same parenting strategies worked for every kid. But parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of job. The goal is to figure out what floats their boat – and meet them there.  

After all these years, I’ve found only one thing they all have in common – whether it’s the girls who like to shop, or the one who really hates it. All three of them look in their closets and swear they have nothing to wear.

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